"The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion"

When the Anti-Choice Choose

By Joyce Arthur

Copyright © September, 2000

http://mypage.direct.ca/w/writer/anti-tales.html

Abortion is a highly personal decision that many women are sure they'll never have to think about until they're suddenly faced with an unexpected pregnancy. But this can happen to anyone, including women who are strongly anti-choice. So what does an anti-choice woman do when she experiences an unwanted pregnancy herself? Often, she will grin and bear it, so to speak, but frequently, she opts for the solution she would deny to other women -- abortion.

In the spring of 2000, I collected the following anecdotes directly from abortion doctors and other clinic staff in North America, Australia, and Europe. The stories are presented in the providers' own words, with minor editing for grammar, clarity, and brevity. Names have been omitted to protect privacy.

"I have done several abortions on women who have regularly picketed my clinics, including a 16 year old schoolgirl who came back to picket the day after her abortion, about three years ago. During her whole stay at the clinic, we felt that she was not quite right, but there were no real warning bells. She insisted that the abortion was her idea and assured us that all was OK. She went through the procedure very smoothly and was discharged with no problems. A quite routine operation. Next morning she was with her mother and several school mates in front of the clinic with the usual anti posters and chants. It appears that she got the abortion she needed and still displayed the appropriate anti views expected of her by her parents, teachers, and peers." (Physician, Australia)

"I've had several cases over the years in which the anti-abortion patient had rationalized in one way or another that her case was the only exception, but the one that really made an impression was the college senior who was the president of her campus Right-to-Life organization, meaning that she had worked very hard in that organization for several years. As I was completing her procedure, I asked what she planned to do about her high office in the RTL organization. Her response was a wide-eyed, 'You're not going to tell them, are you!?' When assured that I was not, she breathed a sigh of relief, explaining how important that position was to her and how she wouldn't want this to interfere with it." (Physician, Texas)

"In 1990, in the Boston area, Operation Rescue and other groups were regularly blockading the clinics, and many of us went every Saturday morning for months to help women and staff get in. As a result, we knew many of the 'antis' by face. One morning, a woman who had been a regular 'sidewalk counselor' went into the clinic with a young woman who looked like she was 16-17, and obviously her daughter. When the mother came out about an hour later, I had to go up and ask her if her daughter's situation had caused her to change her mind. 'I don't expect you to understand my daughter's situation!' she angrily replied. The following Saturday, she was back, pleading with women entering the clinic not to 'murder their babies.'" (Clinic escort, Massachusetts)

"We too have seen our share of anti-choice women, ones the counselors usually grit their teeth over. Just last week a woman announced loudly enough for all to hear in the recovery room, that she thought abortion should be illegal. Amazingly, this was her second abortion within the last few months, having gotten pregnant again within a month of the first abortion. The nurse handled it by talking about all the carnage that went on before abortion was legalized and how fortunate she was to be receiving safe, professional care. However, this young woman continued to insist it was wrong and should be made illegal. Finally the nurse said, 'Well, I guess we won't be seeing you here again, not that you're not welcome.' Later on, another patient who had overheard this exchange thanked the nurse for her remarks." (Clinic Administrator, Alberta)

"We saw a woman recently who after four attempts and many hours of counseling both at the hospital and our clinic, finally, calmly and uneventfully, had her abortion. Four months later, she called me on Christmas Eve to tell me that she was not and never was pro-choice and that we failed to recognize that she was clinically depressed at the time of her abortion. The purpose of her call was to chastise me for not sending her off to the psych unit instead of the procedure room." (Clinic Administrator, Alberta)

"Recently, we had a patient who had given a history of being a 'pro-life' activist, but who had decided to have an abortion. She was pleasant to me and our initial discussion was mutually respectful. Later, she told someone on my staff that she thought abortion is murder, that she is a murderer, and that she is murdering her baby. So before doing her procedure, I asked her if she thought abortion is murder -- the answer was yes. I asked her if she thought I am a murderer, and if she thought I would be murdering her baby, and she said yes. But murder is a crime, and murderers are executed. Is this a crime? Well, it should be, she said. At that point, she became angry and hostile, and the summary of the conversation was that she regarded me as an abortion-dispensing machine, and how dare I ask her what she thinks. After explaining to her that I do not perform abortions for people who think I am a murderer or people who are angry at me, I declined to provide her with medical care. I do not know whether she found someone else to do her abortion." (Physician, Colorado)

"In 1973, after Roe v. Wade, abortion became legal but had to be performed in a hospital. That of course was changed later. For the first 'legal abortion day' I had scheduled five procedures. While scrubbing between cases, I was accosted by the Chief of the OB/Gyn service. He asked me, 'How many children are you going to kill today?' My response, out of anger, was a familiar vulgar retort. About three months later, this born-again Christian called me to explain that he was against abortion but his daughter was only a junior in high school and was too young to have a baby and he was also afraid that if she did have a baby she would not want to put it up for adoption. I told him he did not need to explain the situation to me. 'All I need to know', I said, 'is that SHE wants an abortion.' Two years later I performed a second abortion on her during her college break. She thanked me and pleaded, 'Please don't tell my dad, he is still anti-abortion.'" (Physician, Washington State)

"The sister of a Dutch bishop in Limburg once visited the abortion clinic in Beek where I used to work in the seventies. After entering the full waiting room she said to me, 'My dear Lord, what are all those young girls doing here?' 'Same as you', I replied. 'Dirty little dames,' she said." (Physician, The Netherlands)

"I had a patient about ten years ago who traveled up to New York City from South Carolina for an abortion. I asked her why she went such a long way to get the procedure. Her answer was that she was a member of a church group that didn't believe in abortion and she didn't want anyone to know she was having one. She planned to return to the group when she went back to South Carolina." (Physician, New York)

"I once had a German client who greatly thanked me at the door, leaving after a difficult 22-week abortion. With a gleaming smile, she added: 'Und doch sind Sie ein Mörderer.' ('And you're still a murderer.')" (Physician, The Netherlands)

"My first encounter with this phenomenon came when I was doing a 2-week follow-up at a family planning clinic. The woman's anti-choice values spoke indirectly through her expression and body language. She told me that she had been offended by the other women in the abortion clinic waiting room because they were using abortion as a form of birth control, but her condom had broken so she had no choice! I had real difficulty not pointing out that she did have a choice, and she had made it! Just like the other women in the waiting room." (Physician, Ontario)

"A 21 year old woman and her mother drove three hours to come to their appointment for an abortion. They were surprised to find the clinic a 'nice' place with friendly, personable staff. While going over contraceptive options, they shared that they were Pro-Life and disagreed with abortion, but that the patient could not afford to raise a child right now. Also, she wouldn't need contraception since she wasn't going to have sex until she got married, because of her religious beliefs. Rather than argue with them, I saw this as an opportunity for dialogue, and in the end, my hope was that I had planted a 'healing seed' to help resolve the conflict between their beliefs and their realities." (Physician, Washington State)

"I had a 37 year old woman just yesterday who was 13 weeks. She said she and her husband had been discussing this pregnancy for 2-3 months. She was strongly opposed to abortion, 'but my husband is forcing me to do it.' Naturally, I told her that no one could force her into an abortion, and that she had to choose whether the pregnancy or her husband were more important. I told her I only wanted what was best for her, and I would not do the abortion unless she agreed that it was in her best interest. Once she was faced with actually having to voice her own choice, she said 'Well, I made the appointment and I came here, so go ahead and do it. It's what's best.' At last I think she came to grips with the fact that it really was her decision after all." (Physician, Nevada)

"We have anti-choice women in for abortions all the time. Many of them are just naive and ignorant until they find themselves with an unwanted pregnancy. Many of them are not malicious. They just haven't given it the proper amount of thought until it completely affects them. They can be judgmental about their friends, family, and other women. Then suddenly they become pregnant. Suddenly they see the truth. That it should only be their own choice. Unfortunately, many also think that somehow they are different than everyone else and they deserve to have an abortion, while no one else does." (Physician, Washington State)

Although few studies have been made of this phenomenon, a study done in 1981 (1) found that 24% of women who had abortions considered the procedure morally wrong, and 7% of women who'd had abortions disagreed with the statement, "Any woman who wants an abortion should be permitted to obtain it legally." A 1994/95 survey (2,3) of nearly 10,000 abortion patients showed 18% of women having abortions are born-again or Evangelical Christians. Many of these women are likely anti-choice. The survey also showed that Catholic women have an abortion rate 29% higher than Protestant women. A Planned Parenthood handbook on abortion notes that nearly half of all abortions are for women who describe themselves as born-again Christian, Evangelical Christian, or Catholic. (4)

According to a 1987 article, Abortion Clinics' Toughest Cases,(5) "Physicians and clinics frequently terminate pregnancies for women who believe abortion is 'murder' and 'a sin' but who are not anti-abortion activists. Demonstrators, organizers, and leaders in the [anti-abortion] movement are seen less frequently, ranging from perhaps once or twice a month to a few times in the course of a professional career." The article contained the following anecdotes:

An administrator at a Missouri clinic recalled a woman blurting out in the recovery room, "It should be illegal." The other women's mouths fell open, said the administrator. "They couldn't believe it."

The medical director of an Indianapolis clinic recalled one prospective patient who phoned to ask whether the clinic had a back door. He said no. How, she asked, could she get inside without being seen by fellow picketers outside? Pointing out that two orthopedists practiced with him, the doctor told the woman "she could limp and say she was coming to see the orthopods."

The medical director at a Dallas abortion clinic told this story: A white woman from an affluent north Dallas neighborhood brought her black maid in for an abortion and paid for it. While the maid was in a counseling session, a commotion was heard in the waiting room outside. The maid's employer was handing out anti-abortion leaflets to other women waiting for abortions.

From a clinic director in a mid-western state: "One of the most remarkable cases was a woman who came [from another part of the state] and said she was the Right-to-Life president in her county. 'But,' she said, she 'had become pregnant and had to have an abortion.'"

From a counselor in Virginia: "[The patient] was disturbed and upset and insisted she couldn't carry the pregnancy to term. She opposed abortion -- and in fact had picketed this very clinic -- [but] felt the abortion was something she had to do."

Many anti-choice women are convinced that their need for abortion is unique -- not like those "other" women -- even though they have abortions for the same sorts of reasons. Anti-choice women often expect special treatment from clinic staff. Some demand an abortion immediately, wanting to skip important preliminaries such as taking a history or waiting for blood test results. Frequently, anti-abortion women will refuse counseling (such women are generally turned away or referred to an outside counselor because counseling at clinics is mandatory). Some women insist on sneaking in the back door and hiding in a room away from other patients. Others refuse to sit in the waiting room with women they call "sluts" and "trash." Or if they do, they get angry when other patients in the waiting room talk or laugh, because it proves to them that women get abortions casually, for "convenience".

A few behave in a very hostile manner, such as calling clinic staff "murderers." Years ago, a clinic counselor in British Columbia told me that one of her patients went into the procedure room apparently fine with her decision to have an abortion. During the abortion, at a stage when it was too late to stop the procedure, the woman started screaming "You murderers!" and other invectives at everyone in the room.

A few doctors actually refuse to provide abortions to anti-choice women for liability reasons. In the words of a Kansas physician:

"Early in my career, I thought I was obligated to provide an abortion for every woman who arrived at my doorstep requesting an abortion. My experience in general medicine, surgery, and abortion has led me to believe differently. Not inadvertently, women give either me or my staff an uneasy feeling about their ambivalence or their anxiety about the abortion process. Since I have never been sued for an abortion I did not perform, my policy is to acknowledge my gut feeling, which is more often right than wrong."

A clinic counselor from Georgia stated:

"I have long felt that anti-abortionism is a psychological contraindication to the abortion procedure. And that we don't have to give everyone who asks an abortion. An anti-abortion woman is likely to be uncooperative and will probably not follow post-op instructions or instructions on how to deal with complications. There is actually a case where an anti-abortion patient failed to go as directed to Emergency for an unrelated complication. She ended up dying, and her family sued the physician and badgered him publicly. Additionally, if you have a complication that day, it will be the anti-abortionist. I'm not talking about the patient who says, 'I was against abortion until it happened to me', or 'I'm really against abortion, but I have to do this'. I'm talking about the picketer, the activist, the totally anti-creature who will come back to haunt us."

In fact, an anti-abortion organization called Life Dynamics Inc., of Denton Texas, specializes in malpractice suits against abortion providers. They advertise for and exploit women who regret their abortion decision or who had complications, and try and persuade them to file suit against the doctor or clinic. Many of these women are vulnerable and suffer from emotional problems, but others are anti-abortion, or at least very ambivalent about their decision to have an abortion. The message that abortion is murder has had a profound influence on them, and it may leave them with a legacy of guilt and shame after their abortion, too often borne alone and in silence. When these women find themselves unable to cope with their abortions, they may look for somebody else to blame, and doctors become a convenient scapegoat.

At times, clinic staff understandably become frustrated and angry when they have to deal with abusive, hostile, or hypocritical patients. And it is rare for anti-choice women to express appreciation for the service they've received. But most clinics perform abortions on anti-abortion women because they feel it's their obligation to help all women. They provide more thorough and specialized counseling to these women to ensure they take ownership of their decision, as far as possible. Here's a couple of examples of counseling techniques:

"When a patient comes in with my 'favorite' sentiment: 'The only moral abortion is my abortion,' I try to expand her understanding that a few more of us have had and deserve a 'moral' abortion. When a woman expands her need for care beyond herself, you no longer have an 'anti'." (Clinic Administrator, Louisiana)

"Sometimes I say to patients who have that 'I have no choice, I know I'll regret it, just do me' attitude: 'You may not care, but we do. We only do abortions on women who want our services. We will not knowingly contribute to any possible trauma of any woman.' They seem surprised that we care how we do our work, but they also accept it." (Counselor, New York)

Some anti-choice women who have abortions do make peace with their decision and even become pro-choice, or at least more forgiving of other women seeking abortions. A Louisiana patient who was anti-choice before her abortion, wrote a warm and grateful thank-you letter to the clinic, admitting that she had been a hypocrite:

"I never dreamed, in my wildest nightmares, that there would ever be a situation where I personally would choose such an act. Of course, we would each like to think that our reasons for a termination are the exception to the rule. But the bottom line is that you people spend your lives, reputations, careers and energy fighting for, maintaining, and providing an option that I needed, while I spent my energy lambasting you. Yet you still allowed me to make use of your services even though I had been one of your enemies. You treated us as kindly and warmly as you did all of your patients and never once pointed an 'I told you so' finger in our direction. I got the impression that you cared equally about each woman in the facility and what each woman was going through, regardless of her reasons for choosing the procedure. I have never met a group of purely non-judgmental people like yourselves."

On occasion, an abortion turns out to be a momentous, life-affirming experience for an anti-choice woman. A doctor from a north-western state shared the following personal story with me:

"I was born into a very Catholic family, and was politically pro-life during college. After dating my first real boyfriend for three years, we broke up, and the day my boyfriend moved out, I discovered I was pregnant. It was an agonizing decision, and something I never thought I would do, but I decided an abortion was the only realistic option. Thanks to Planned Parenthood counseling, I worked through some very tough conflicts within myself. I had to learn that my decision was a loving one. That 'my god' was actually a loving and supportive god. And that men don't have to make this decision, only women do. That it is a very personal, individual decision. I had to own it. I became much more compassionate towards myself and others as a result of my experience. Two years later I began medical school. When it came time to choose a practice, an abortion clinic opportunity came up. In working there, I began to feel that this was my calling. Having been in my patients' shoes, and coming from an unforgiving background, I could honestly say to patients, 'I know how you feel.' Deciding to have an abortion was THE hardest decision I've ever made in my life. Yet it has brought me the greatest transformation, fulfillment, and now joy. I am a more loving person because of it, and a better doctor for having experienced it. I love the work that I do, and the opportunity to support women seeking to end an unwanted pregnancy. My patients and my work are life's gifts to me, and I think my compassion and support are my gifts in return."

---

1. Henshaw, S.K. and G. Martire. 1982. Abortion and the Public Opinion Polls: 1. Morality and Legality. Family Planning Perspectives. 14:2, pp 53-60, March/April.

2. The Alan Guttmacher Institute. 1996. Abortion Common Among All Women, Even Those Thought to Oppose Abortion. http://www.agi-usa.org/pubs/archives/prabort2.html

3. Henshaw, S.K. and K. Kost. 1996. Abortion Patients in 1994-1995: Characteristics and Contraceptive Use. Family Planning Perspectives. 28:4, July/August. http://www.agi-usa.org/pubs/journals/2814096.html

4. Planned Parenthood of America. Pro-Choice Debate Handbook. http://www.plannedparenthood.org/politicalarena/Pro-Choice_Debate_Handbook.html#4

5. Medical World News. 1987. Abortion Clinic's Toughest Cases. pp 55-61. March 9.

Thanks dad

http://www.daddyfiles.com/2010/07/29/thanks-dad-2/

It’s been more than two weeks since I detailed our ordeal with little Alex, and I’m still getting crap from anti-choice zealots. Like these gems:

I am confused. Why is the couple supposed to feel better about having an abortion and cutting the obviously living baby’s life short? Why is that supposed to be better than letting nature take its course and delivering the stillborn baby? Is it because it’s less trouble for the parents? So they can get the baby’s death over and start the grieving process sooner? Wouldn’t it be harder to be the cause of my baby’s death after seeing an ultrasound, as they did? It seems to me there IS only one choice, to let this baby live as long as possible.

Here is the problem with the logic of this video. This guy is upset because he put great value in the 16 week old fetus that he calls “our baby”, but his lack of understanding for what these protesters are trying to do seems to give no value in the other “babies” that are killed at this location. He says it was one of the most difficult days of their lives, but has NO EMPATHY for the other babies murdered there and those trying to prevent their deaths.

The pro life lady was not yelling at anybody, you were yelling at her. Abortion is on demand worldwide, the killing of innocent human life is not rare but has become way too common. You should take a look in the mirror because you need to Repent.

Nice huh? Some real Mensa candidates in that bunch.

Thankfully, they’ve been the minority and all of you have been fantastic. As in spectacularly fucking supportive. I thought the best way to fight back was to send vitriolic responses to each and every one of them. But now I see the error of my ways. Instead, I’m going to be noticed. By as many people as possible. As difficult as it is to talk about this at times, I want to be heard. I want every protester possible to know our story so they realize exactly who they’re hurting when they stand outside shouting at people like gutless cowards. And you all have helped make that happen.

And now it’s my dad’s turn. Although he works for a stainless steel company, he used to be a journalist too. And even now he’s a columnist for the local newspaper in our hometown. So he wrote something and now I’m posting it here because I thought it was great and I wanted to share it with as many people as possible.

Thanks dad. I love you.

Abortion – it’s an ugly term.  It has a deservedly harsh connotation to it, conveying an untimely ending and something gone horribly wrong.

My son and daughter-in-law had to make a decision to terminate their pregnancy recently, a pregnancy nearly four months along.  They chose to do it, although in reality there was no choice.  But it was still incredibly difficult.

Their baby – my grandchild – had a rare and fatal congenital birth defect called Sirenomelia, otherwise known as Mermaid Syndrome.  Due to a vascular malfunction, the baby’s legs were fused together.  The baby had no bladder, no kidneys, and no chance of surviving.  The defect occurs once in about every 100,000 births.

The pain this caused my son and his wife, who very much wanted this second child, is indescribable.  You cannot possibly fathom the depths of their despair unless you have been in a similar position.  And while nowhere near as bad, the pain of having to watch our children go through this is something my wife and I pray we never have to experience again.

Our kids handled their situation with all the class, dignity and responsibility human beings can be expected to muster.  We are so proud, even as our hearts break for them.  Their strength and devotion to one another and their two-year-old son is the stuff of legends.

But their ordeal was made even more unnecessarily awful by the politics and social controversy surrounding the abortion issue.  On one of the worst days of their lives, they became victims again – this time at the hands of those trying to do God’s work while in fact doing just the opposite.

Although my daughter-in-law was treated at a major Boston hospital, the time-sensitive nature of the procedure necessitated it be done at an affiliated establishment.  After she and my son mustered the necessary courage and emotional strength to get where they had to go, they were met by something they had not considered in their grief – abortion protestors.

Two women were picketing outside the establishment, carrying signs and “communicating” with women walking in the door.  One carried a sign of religious symbolism.  As my son and his wife tried to enter the building where they would lose the baby they already loved so much, they were approached by the women.

“You’re killing your unborn baby!’ was the remark they would remember most as they walked past.  They were both furious and devastated, but held their tempers and concentrated on what needed to be done.  But once my daughter-in-law was in surgery, my son decided to take on the protestors.

In a calm but firm tone, he told them of his wife’s condition.  How they had accosted her at the most vulnerable point in her life.  How they had hurled accusations when they had no idea of the circumstances.  How they claimed to be protecting, yet seemed more intent on hurting.  And better yet, he recorded the entire conversation on his cell phone and posted it on his internet blog.

These particular protestors care about the unborn, but apparently are not concerned with those who have already come into the world.  They made no attempt to discover the circumstances and just assumed this was a couple ending an unwanted pregnancy.  To them, my kids were simply collateral damage in an ongoing war – the price to be paid for later success.

This column is not about a woman’s right to choose, although I have my own opinions on that matter.  It is about the culture of hatred and disrespect that people today foster when they single-mindedly focus on one goal to the exclusion of nearly all else.  It is about allowing the end to justify the means.

I am so proud of my son, and perhaps even more proud of his wife.  At a time of great personal turmoil, they did not just retreat inside their own grief – though no one would have blamed them.

Rather, they cared enough to take the time to explain to these people how their actions can destroy others.  How their words can scar forever.  How nothing is ever as clear or as simple as it seems.

I love them dearly, and I will never forget the lessons they have taught us all.

Leo withdraws from Gibson movie

Leonardo DiCaprio is withdrawing from a Mel Gibson-directed flick about vikings in the wake of the domestic abuse scandal, RadarOnline.com has exclusively confirmed.

“Not a chance,” said a source, close to the Inception star, when asked if he was still planning to star in Gibson’s next project.

The decision is a major setback for the Oscar-winning actor/director, who is facing allegations of domestic abuse and child endangerment.

PHOTOS: Celebrity Death Threats

It also lends support to critics who are suggesting Mel won’t be able to recover from the Oksana Grigorieva scandal.

Oksana, 40, has accused Gibson, 54, of punching her in the face twice as she held their infant daughter Lucia during a domestic dispute at his Malibu mansion on January 6.

WORLD EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS: Bruised & Battered Oksana Grigorieva After Brawl With Mel Gibson

After allegedly hitting Oksana on the head and mouth, she has claimed, Mel then choked her.

Detectives from the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department detectives are investigating the allegation along with Mel’s claim that Oksana tried to extort him with threats of a scandal.

EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS: See The First Photos of Mel and Oksana In a Passionate Embrace On The Beach

Mel was interviewed on Sunday but refused to answer questions about the incident, citing his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination.

Mel’s profane-laced rants, recorded by Oksana and obtained by RadarOnline.com, are laced with racial slurs -- including the N-word -- and demands for repeated sexual favors.

PHOTOS: Oksana Through The Years

The viking film was to be DiCaprio’s first picture with Mel.

A source close to DiCaprio said the star, who is currently basking in the release of his wildly acclaimed box-office topping movie Inception, did not want to risk his reputation, with being associated with Mel.

“Leo has earned the right to pick and choose who he works with and Mel Gibson is not one of them,” the source added.

The as-yet untitled project is being produced by Graham King and Mel’s Icon Productions.

Variety had previously reported DiCaprio had long been fascinated by Viking culture and was poised to play one in a storyline that will be as unsparing as Mel’s other period directing efforts, Braveheart, The Passion of the Christ and Apocalypto.

Before DiCaprio’s withdrawal, shooting was slated to begin in fall 2010.

Comment is being sought from DiCaprio.

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/07/source-dicaprio-pulling-out-mel-gibson-movie

abortion IS a constitutional right

OF COURSE NOT. Why should I, being a woman, be allowed by my government to make decisions that only affect me? That would be infringing on my government’s right to infringe my rights, as a woman.

Are you really asking me if I think I should be able to control what happens to my body and have that right protected by the United States Constitution? Of course I do. And the Supreme Court says I have that right.

So…to sum up: I don’t think abortion is a constitutional right, I know it is because the Supreme Court ruled that it was one in 1973.

Love,

Rabble

http://rabbleprochoice.tumblr.com/post/863564607/do-you-think-that-abortion-is-a-constitutional-right

sex ed=fundy freakout

http://www.alternet.org/reproductivejustice/147593/right-wingers_freak_out_over_montana_sex_ed_curriculum?page=entire

This article is talking about the Helena school district and the recent push for comprehensive sex ed for fifth graders. I learned about sex when I was in fifth grade but my parents taught my brother and I before either of us had to take it, so this can’t be an uncommon age to start learning and discussing sexual relationships.

The conservatives and Christians are, shockingly, pissed off because the sexual curriculum goes beyond abstinence-only programs. So much so that they are encouraging parents to remove their children from school.

The comprehensive sex ed isn’t the only thing that the conservatives and Christians are vehemently pissed off about. They are pissed off because in the second grade, children will be discouraged to use gay slurs, like fag, homo, etc. and taught why they are hurtful. In addition, kindergartners will be taught that there is more than one type of family structure: two moms, two dads, one mom-one dad, step parents, single parents, etc.

They feel that by teaching children that other types of families exist it will make kindergarteners gay…because that is a completely reasonable assumption compared to the idea that kindergartners will simply become more tolerant of different lifestyles. Read the article if you want to read Muslim-hating (how Muslims play into this is really a stretch, but the good reverend quoted in the article is clearly trying to fear-monger and paint them all as terrorists), sex-shaming (it’s vile!) freak outs by a conservative Christian.

Love,

Rabble

http://rabbleprochoice.tumblr.com/post/863377636/montana-schools-propose-comprehensive-sex-ed

Do your morals come from god or within?

One of the most common arguments from the religious is that without God there would be no morality. Non-believers reject this, and there’s an easy though experiment way to see which side you fall on. So, to those who do subscribe to a mainstream religion such as Christianity, Judaism, or Islam, consider this:

Imagine that one day God comes to earth and announces a new rule that says it’s a moral responsibility of all believers to kill anyone who doesn’t have a copy of your religion’s Holy book in his/her house.¹.

The question is: would you instantly accept this as morally acceptable because it came from God, or would you reject it because it’s wrong to kill someone for such a thing?

And here are the results. If you would immediately start killing people because God told you to (and therefore the command was “moral” by definition), then your morality comes from God. But if you would question and/or reject this command because it feels “wrong” to you, then your morality comes from somewhere else.

Which are you?

Notes

¹ Forget the silliness of this particular rule; it doesn’t matter. Besides, God asked Moses to kill a man for gathering wood on the Sabbath, so strange requests aren’t without precedent. And don’t cop out by saying, “My God would never make such a rule, so it’s pointless to discuss.” This is the whole point of a hypothetical–to see what you would do. You don’t have to accept it as an actual possibility.

Circumcision as a Memeplex

- talk by Hugh Young
at the Eighth International Symposium on Circumcision and Human Rights,
Padova, Italy, September 3, 2004

A meme is "a unit of cultural transmission, or a unit of imitation"

- Richard Dawkins

Common examples of memes are

• tunes, like "Happy Birthday to You" or your national anthem (four notes is thought to be the minimum)
• catchphrases, like "Like father, like son" or "blood, sweat and tears"
• myths, like George Washington chopping down the cherry tree, or the tooth fairy
• folk beliefs, like "We only use 10% of our brains" and
• customs, like tossing spilt salt over your left shoulder and genital mutilation.

(Dawkins cites “tunes, ideas, catch-phrases, clothes fashions, ways of making pots or of building arches”.)

A cluster of related memes is a memeplex. (Dawkins called it a “co-adapted meme-complex”, but the name of the meme has evolved.)

Examples of memeplexes are

• languages, and subsystems of languages such as alphabets, fonts, dialects and regional accents
• clusters of customs, such as Christmas celebrations
• systems of thought, such as philosophies and religions [except our own, of course]

Memes, like genes, are replicators - they copy themselves - an amazing property, when you think about it, the basis of life itself.

Like genes, memes endure and copy themselves with variations, which are naturally selected, and thereby evolve. Like genes, they are "selfish" - or rather, their function is the promotion of their own survival.

...all that counts in the life of a meme is whether or not it survives and replicates. ... we must remember that [saying that memes 'want', 'need', or 'try to do' something] is only shorthand for saying that the 'something' will improve the chances of the meme's being copied. Memes do not have conscious intentions; nor do they actually strive to do anything at all. They are simply (by definition) capable of being copied, and all their apparent striving and intentionality comes from this.

- The Meme Machine, p 162

Unlike genes, only human (and possibly some primate, and electronic) brains carry memes.

A good analogy for a meme today is a computer virus. In fact, a computer virus, being merely information stored in, and transmitted between, information processsing systems, is more like a meme than it is like a biological virus (which is a self-contained physical entity that actually moves between organisms, carrying genetic information with it).

Richard Dawkins says that as with genes, we track memes through populations by their phenotypes [ways of being physically expressed]. And he cites circumcision as a rare example of a meme phenotype that is part of a living body, like most gene phenotypes. He says a Martian geneticist ... … would have to work quite hard to discover that no genes are involved in the genesis of the "roundhead" (circumcised) phenotype.

Susan Blackmore suggests that the taboo on masturbation, and circumcision, both have the evolutionary function of increasing the amount of vaginal sex, and hence the number of offspring to whom the taboo can be taught. Enter evolutionary biology. But there is no evidence that circumcision significantly increases the birthrate, and many circumcised men claim circumcision does not make masturbation more difficult.

But the belief that it did was sufficient to establish it in the UK and then the US, late in the 19th century, and once established, it sustained (and sustains) itself by associated memes that had (and have) nothing to do with masturbation or sex. In fact, for most of the 20^th century, any role of the foreskin in sex has been ignored or denied in circumcising cultures.

While Dawkins and Blackmore consider circumcision a meme, the central idea - cutting part of a baby's or child's penis off - is always embedded in culture, tradition, religion and/or medicine. (Nobody could reasonably consider that cutting part of a baby's genitals off, without some supposed benefits or context, was a good idea in and of itself.)

The genesis of this website was the list of reasons to circumcise. There seemed just too many, maybe 30. There are now more than three hundred and 30. Fortunately, the reasons fall into some general classes: :

The Circumcision Memeplex

This diagram does not include circumfetishism - circumcising or being circumcised for sexual pleasure, though there is reason to suspect it's often hiding not far under the surface.

Ritual circumcision and Routine Infant Circumcision [that is, without immediate medical reason] might almost be considered different memes that happen to share the same phenotype:

• Muslim ritual circumcision, done in childhood, is associated with ideas of ritual cleanliness, conformity, and as a rite of passage to manhood, as well as the belief that it is required by Islam. Customs vary across the huge Islamic world, but it is usually associated with celebration, feasting and treating the boy as "Prince for a day" - all parts of the Muslim memeplex that cement it into that culture. We have one report that Muslim circumcision is surgically much milder than western “medical” circumcision, and this could explain how it can be done to boys old enough to speak.
• Jewish ritual circumcision takes place at a social occasion for adults (where the emphasis is on food - the baby and what is done to him become almost irrelevant. and it is common for a meal celebrating a symbolic act to take centre-stage and eventually replace the act, so it would be a good idea for Brisot Shalom to have better than average catering). It is much later that he is explicitly taught about its significance (the meme is transmitted very deliberately) - though that significance itself is a whole complex of ideas, some unrelated:
  • To keep a bargain Abraham made with G-d
  • As a badge of Jewish identity. / To make him look different from outsiders
  • To remind him of anti-Semitic persecution / To bond him with his community / To educate him in his parent's faith
  • "... because Jewish men should be able to feel the pain of others more easily."
  • To symbolise humanity's unique essence as more than animal
  • To offer our children to a higher spiritual life / To ensure a share for him in the world to come
  • To draw down the Divine light, bring down the soul of holiness into the body, reveal the Jew's inherent connection to G-d / To signify the union of body and spirit
  • Because "[t]his paring away of the superfluous skin allows for Shechinah energy (the 'essence' of the Universal Deity) to permeate the seed of Israel."
  • Because the foreskin concentrates negative energy / To "spiritually remov[e] and eliminat[e] undesirable character traits... / ...depressive tendencies and so on...
  • ...[To] eliminate from the body of the child, forces which might try to cultivate overindulgence in physical pleasures, etc."
  • For "its positive effects on the generations to come."

These may be summarised as

1. identity (yet it is generally agreed that circumcision is not what makes a boy Jewish) and
2. supposed spiritual benefits; and we can't deny the good feeling some Jewish men claim from being circumcised, of continuity with their age-old tradition.

but ritual cleanliness is the invisible guest at the feast. Jewish defenders of circumcision frequently cite cleanliness and express horror at the supposed uncleanliness of the foreskin.

"Opening the draw string of his pants, he allowed the filth of his uncircumcised penis to unsheathe into the air."

- "The Last Kabbalist of Lisbon" by Richrd Zimler

In the USA, Routine Infant Circumcision is perpetuated by a stealth akin to that of the stealth bomber. It makes itself invisible to our radar.

• It is usually done out the parents' sight and hearing - and they were once not even told it was to be done. Two parents might agree to circumcise their son for reasons that have nothing in common - might even be contradictory - and never share their reasons.
• Its victims are discouraged from discussing it or even thinking about it. This silence has one component that is peculiar to circumcision and another that arises from the taboo on sex. Thus the transmission of the meme is often done indirectly, through euphemism ("a little snip") and with a kind of desperate jocularity. (“I'm just taking him away for his circy.”)

The ostensible reasons are

• medical, and hygiene and cleanliness
• supposed psychological benefits of looking like the father
• coupled with tradition and custom
• sexual, coupled with women's supposed preference
• fear of difference, projected into the child's future locker-room experiences

Each of these is a cluster of ostensible reasons, sometimes contradictory - for example both to increase and to decrease penile size or sensitivity.

The constituent memes of Jewish circumcision and Routine Infant Circumcision in the US are like the two members of a double star orbiting each other, influencing each other while keeping their distance - with Jewish circumcision the shining star, Routine Infant Circumcision a black hole, sucking parents and babies in. The interaction can be seen in many TV sitcoms - Seinfeld is a good example - where the circumcision being discussed is ostensibly Jewish, but stripped of any religious connotations, and many of the other "reasons" are adduced. A large but unknown number of US Jewish babies are reportedly circumcised in hospital before the eighth day, nullifying any covanental value, but satisfying other memes of the memeplex.

The most effective memes are simple and couple the behaviour with something universally agreed to be good:

God said we must circumcise
All the nicest people are circumcised / Circumcision is American
Circumcised penises are cleaner
Circumcision protects against AIDS (or cancer or UTIS or STDs
or whatever is the most feared disease of the day)

And these associations makes them hard to argue with.

The Altruism meme

Altruism is a powerful way of spreading memes - and hence many memes spread by linking themselves to altruism.

People are nice to each other to get kindness in return, and their emotions are designed appropriately. ... Kind and generous behaviours will spread by imitation, .. behaviours that look like kind and generous ones, or are prevalent in kind and generous people, will also be spread by imitation.

...if you are in a community that uses reciprocal altruism, you are likely to gain most by being with people who are known to be generous. So the generous people will have more contact with others and therefore more opportunities for spreading their memes.

- The Meme Machine, p156

Memes which have nothing to do with altruism can benefit from "copy-the-altruist" by just tagging along for free. ... we can expect memes to have devised strategies for getting into altruistic people without actually being altruism memes themselves (or more accurately, memes that happen to have such strategies should have survived better than those without, and we should be able to observe them around us). Are there such examples?

Yes. They range from little groups of co-memes to very complicated memeplexes. ... the essence of any memeplex is that the memes inside it can replicate better as part of the group than they can on their own.

ibid. p 168

Circumcision is an excellent example of such a memeplex - the cluster of ostensible reasons for doing it is hydra-headed and ever-changing. The silly ones are carried on with it, as well as those with any validity at all.

The ostensible reasons for infant circumcision always have an altruistic component. Even the reason “to punish him for masturbation” was only prevalent when that was believed to be for his ultimate betterment, including the salvation of his immortal soul.

Certain memes, like wearing a turban or abstaining from certain foods are carried along as markers of other religious memes, so that those who share them will be altruistic toward each other.

Unlike those so-called “beneficent norms”, religious, ritual and "medical" circumcision (and FGM) are forced on infants and children by adults who have already undergone it themselves. The ones who perform it are not those who suffer (now). Their culture or religion has taught them that it is "inevitable" and "necessary" and “beneficial” so that they are able to suppress their natural revulsion, and even wallow in their own empathy with the child's pain. If they remember the pain, they may consider that it, too, is valuable, as Nelson Mandela does. So by a variety of dodges, the circumcision meme can pass itself off as altruistic. Or rather, people infected with it can.

Or circumcision may seem to benefit someone else, and two important memes of this kind are complementary, but not exactly so:

"A boy should look like his father"

"Women prefer circumcised men"

This seems to be spread mainly by women (for a man to say it makes it too clear that it is about his insecurities, not the boy's). There is certainly no clamour from boys demanding to be circumcised for this reason.

This seems to be spread mainly by men (it may be believed by women, whatever they themselves prefer - but women who do themselves prefer circumcised penises are more likely to believe it).

This links to the more general "looking like his father" that assures paternity.

After all, women don't need to be told what women prefer.

It may be that the meme "a boy should look like his father" has a basis in biology:

• Species that survive, do so because they behave in ways that promote the survival of their own genes
• Individuals promote the survival of their own offspring and (in the wild) have no interest in the offspring of others (or even a negative interest, as where an incoming alpha male kills the offspring of his predecessor)
• Appearance is one of the ways individuals recognise their own offspring.
• A male may be less likely to bond with his son if the appearance of his son's genitals is markedly different from his own. (This fails to explain how he bonds with his daughters, but that may have a quite different mechanism, as the bond is different)
• The boy's mother may fear that the father will not bond if their appearance is not similar, and collude with making them match.

The question arises, how could circumcision get established if intact fathers risked failing to bond to their circumcised sons?
Answer: In both the mythical (and probably the actual) origins of the religious rite, and the historical origins of the surgical rite, boys out of infancy were circumcised for a generation or more before infants were, so intact fathers had intact sons, who grew up, were circumcised, and became circumcised fathers of sons sons they then had circumcised. So there was no time when many intact fathers had circumcised sons.

How, then, did circumcision come to an end in Britain and New Zealand without demur from the circumcised fathers of intact sons?
A partial answer is that fathers (and mothers) were not consulted. The meme was never given the opportunity to be invoked.

The meme "Women prefer circumcised penises" is likely to spread among men wherever a majority of men are circumcised, whether there is any truth to it or not. Women are more likely to say, "I prefer intact/circumcised penises" than to claim to speak for all women - but more likely than either to have no preference, but rather, to judge each man on his personal qualities.

The meme is extremely strong where circumcision is tribal, and hence universal within the tribe, taking the extreme form "No woman will look at a[n intact] man." Women in bars in Samoa are said to check European men out manually before agreeing to go with them.

If women hear the meme, they are likely to assume that men are speaking from experience, not just wishful thinking. If they are smart, they will not hurt circumcised men's vanity by telling them that they have no preference (or actually prefer intact penises). So men's belief in the meme is reinforced and not challenged.

It seems like another reason to circumcise babies, so more babies are likely to be circumcised where it is believed, giving rise to another generation of circumcised men to spread the meme. The Williamsons' study shows that it is widely believed where the great majority of men are circumcised - even by women who have no basis for comparison.

There is no corresponding meme "Women prefer intact penises" in communities (most of the world) where most penises are intact, not because women don't prefer them, but because intactness is spread genetically, not memetically. Intact penises don't need memes to spread, only genes. Circumcision needs memes.

"From now on, I'm thinking only of me."
Major Danby replied indulgently with a superior smile: "But, Yossarian, suppose everyone felt that way."
"Then," said Yossarian, "I'd be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?"

- Joseph Heller, Catch-22

This is the principle of "runaway sexual selection": females prefer some characteristic, such as long tail feathers in males, even though - or even because - it puts the males at a disadvantage. If a female tries to buck the trend and mate with a male with short tail feathers, her short-tailed male offspring are less preferred by the next generation and her preference dies out.

In the same way, it makes genetic sense for women to prefer the kind of man (they think) most women prefer.

Female Genital Mutilation:

The meme "A girl should look like her mother" is not greatly recorded in cultures that practise FGM. This is probably because questions of maternity (who the mother is) seldom arise. Nor is there any danger that a girl will not bond with her mother. FGM is generally committed after she has done so.

The meme "Men prefer circumcised women" is very strong in cultures that practise FGM - in fact it takes the extreme form "She must be circumcised or no man will want to marry her." This is probably spread more by women, with men collaborating, not by positively preferring circumcised women in the first instance, but by refusing to take a woman who has placed her suitability in doubt by being rejected by all other men.

Intersexuality::

When a child is born intersexed, their parents and their deliverers are thrown into a panic, because the meme "A human is male or female" is immensely strong, being built into all the memes associated with our sexuality and intimately associated with our genes. What is striking is that the surgical action that is taken in response to that panic has little or no bearing on the child's genes or their reproductive future, but almost entirely on the appearance of their genitals.

The Spanner in the Works

Meanwhile, the irrational aspect to the circumcision memeplex adds a complication. Circumcising a baby is Doing Something (at a particular time and place), so it has a definiteness about it that Leaving The Baby Alone does not. In fact US mothers who leave their babies intact are frequently accused of neglect. Circumcision leaves a vivid mark of having been done. It does not usually do sufficient harm at any one time to be genetically or socially contraindicated - unlike, say, castration. (There is some suggestion that ritual circumcision may have been introduced in Egypt as a substitute for ritual castration - of a priestly caste, rather than the whole male population, obviously.) The good that circumcision supposedly does is set in the unforeseeable future. (In this, circumcision is like those religion memes that promise infinite and eternal rewards or punishments after death.) Since the evils it is supposed to prevent are rare, it is allowed to take credit by default for their absence, something like a lucky charm, or wearing garlic to ward off vampires.

Is this concept productive?

Reviewing a book of Dawkins', Simon Blackburn argues against treating memes as having purposes or designs, which of course they do not. But while they are in people's heads, memes are subjected to those people's purposes and designs, and hence to creative, evolutionary processes. And for memes, acquired characteristics (changes to the meme phenotype between transmissions) ARE inherited, unlike those of genes. (That is, meme evolution is Larmarkian, as well as Darwinian.)

For example, secular circumcision quickly evolved from being a childhood treatment for masturbation to an infant preventative of it, largely because newborns can put up less resistance. (Jewish circumcision probably moved in the same direction in ancient times. Muslim, Korean and Philippine circumcision have yet to do so. They are also reportedly milder than the Jewish and US forms.) And when masturbation hysteria waned, people's wish to circumcise, which is the heart of the circumcision memeplex, has attached and reattached itself to successive diseases it was alleged to prevent.

The concept of a meme or memeplex is particularly productive with regard to genital mutilation, because the idea of genital mutilation has a coherence of its own that is independent of individual rationality.

Is intactness, then, also a meme?

An intact penis (or female genitalia) are not themselves memes (nor meme-phenotypes), because they are transmitted by genes, not by imitation. In the context of a strongly circumcising culture, it may require unusual determination to break the hold of the circumcision meme, but, for the most part, leaving a baby alone needs no reason.

However, Intactivism, the campaign for genital integrity (which only exists in the context of genitally mutilating cultures), may usefully be considered a memeplex. Here are some of the ideas linked to it:

The Intactivism Memeplex

Opposition to the three varieties of genital modification has been amalgamated here because most of the associated factors relate to all three, in greater or lesser degree. (The “gender equality” meme is near to male circumcision, but there is a special relationship between feminism and opposition to FGM - women's outrage that this can be done to women. We might speak of “gender solidarity”. Sadly, there seems little or no equivalent men's outrage, based on gender solidarity, that this can be done to fellow men. It seems to be overwhelmed by macho denial of pain, imposed on tiny babies.)

The Intactivism memeplex is clearly much simpler than the circumcision memeplex. The different elements also reinforce each other in ways that the parts of the circumcision memeplex do not. These are two of the strengths by which the Intactivism memeplex will ultimately prevail. Intactivism is an easy idea to transmit, and once transmitted, it is not easily lost.

These practices are memes that have thrived for thousands of years in spite of being so harmful to their carriers. Now that we have the insight and ability to prevent them continuing to replicate, we should work for their complete eradication from the memepool.

http://www.circumstitions.com/meme.html

Conscience Clause?

A young Polish woman died of septic shock in 2004 after being repeatedly refused a comprehensive examination, RH Reality Check reports. Her mother and fiancée begged for her to receive treatment that could save her life, but were still denied. Why? Because she was pregnant, and the doctors invoked their "conscience" as not allowing them to perform any medical procedure that might endanger the fetus.

In the end, the woman miscarried anyway, but her illness — complications from ulcerative colitis — was by then so advanced, she died within the month from inflammation throughout her body. Ironically, if she had been given exams and treatment to save her life, that might have kept her from miscarrying due to a worsening disease.

Now, the woman's mother is fighting to make sure that no other women will suffer the same fate as her daughter due to the so-called "consciences" of doctors who would sacrifice the health of a pregnant woman for that of her fetus.

Unable to find satisfaction in Polish courts, the mother has turned to the European Court of Human Rights. The lawsuit is seeking better regulation of doctors' right to deny medical care for religious/moral reasons, namely: enforcement of Polish law requiring doctors to issue referrals to someone who will perform the procedure, requiring the government to guarantee enough medical professionals who will perform any legal service, barring hospitals from invoking conscientious objection as an entire entity, and prohibiting doctors from using this conscience clause to deny medical information or emergency care.

The case is grounded on alleging violations of the European Convention on Human Rights, stating that "medical care that disregards the health of the pregnant woman in favor of that of her fetus violates the woman's rights to life, to freedom from inhumane and degrading treatment, and to non-discrimination."

Sorry if I fail to understand how anybody's "conscience" would push them to deny a young woman life-saving medical care. And given that the doctors' excuse for letting a woman die was to protect the fetus (which was lost anyway), it seems especially poignant that it is the woman's mother who wants to make sure this cannot happen again. After all, this 25-year-old woman was her child, a child she had to watch die unnecessarily.

In the United States, the "conscience clause" is usually discussed as something that lets hospitals, doctors, and nurses refuse to participate in abortion procedures, or lets pharmacists deny birth control to women, due to religious objections. In many ways, such conscience clauses are simply a backdoor attempt to limit reproductive rights, and women's rights advocates argue that medical professionals have a duty to provide for all legal medical needs. Nonetheless, conscience clauses are still viewed by many as solely restrictions on a woman's "choice," not a threat to her health or life, and thus, eh, not all that bad.

This Polish case demonstrates that, both in America and around the world, we must be especially careful that such calls to conscience do not again cause the death of a young woman unlucky to be simultaneously ill, pregnant, and in the care of doctors who didn't think her life was valuable enough to save.

http://womensrights.change.org/blog/view/25-year-old_polish_woman_dies_due_to_conscience_clause