I received this in my inbox and only recently got around to reading it.
You should all read it.
First off, I have to say I love your blog. I have learned more in the past couple months of following then in the past 2 decades. I’d prefer to stay anonymous, seeing as my screen name is fairly unique and as well I’d like to respect my mothers privacy, especially since very few in my family know about this.
This is a response to the “What if you were aborted” post, figured I’d share since I’ve pretty much come as close to being aborted as possible without actually being aborted.
I’m one of 6 siblings, and we grew up pretty harsh. Little food, medical care was sparse at best (Unless we were bleeding to death, we never saw a doctor), and even basic at home education and hygiene were neglected (I was never shown how to brush my teeth, tie a show, I didn’t even know about brushing until high school). My mother had my two elders by choices, but because of life changes could not afford to take of a third. That’s me. At this point money was so tight she barely sought medical help, and quickly came to the decision to get an abortion. My father made this very hard for her. Knowing my father, he shamed her, more then likely abused her physically, and also made sure that the whole family knew what was going on.
It came close to the due date, and mother, desperate to end the pregnancy, took it into her own hands. I don’t know the details, I didn’t find out till I was 16, after I had been legally emancipated, and got a hold of my medical records from my mother. Amongst the records was a letter detailing the death of a female child, hours before I was born. I asked my mother, and she denied knowing anything. After some investigating, I found the doctor that performed my birthing. She told me that my mother had attempted ending her own pregnancy, and something went wrong. She didn’t know she was pregnant with twins. My grandfather found her and rushed to her to the hospital, where they c-sectioned and delivered me, treated my mother, and took what would would have been my sister.
You can imagine the pain and hurt I was experiencing. I became abhorrently pro life, I ex-communicated from my mother entirely (To whom I never had a good relationship with anyways, but she was still my mother), and just began to shame her. After a while, some soul searching if you will, my stance switched over to pro-choice. I could never force a decision onto another person, but I never forgave my mother. Circumstances came that I was injured, lost my job, and became homeless. My mother took me in when she found out. I still never talked to her, in my mind I was always thinking she never wanted me, why does she pretend now. Things changed and when I could get out on my own again, I did.
I began reading your blog, and learned a number of things I just refused to face because of the pain it would resurface. I called my grandfather, and he told me how my mother was scared. She didn’t want to give up her child, but could not raise it with what they were making. My birth financially put our family in a death spiral, one which my mother couldn’t recover from, and my father refuse to even acknowledge. She began drinking, my fathers abuse became worse. She went on and had 3 more children, afraid of abortion, afraid of what would happen if she even mentioned otherwise having the kids.
I mulled it over for a while, I have one child, whom I love. We can take care of him well, we are doing fine. A second would be all but impossible to take care of, and I’m not even sure my wife could handle the pregnancy. I had a moment of clarity, and called my mother. I forgave, I apologized, but more then that, I acknowledged her love for me. Abortion is not a act of hate, of disinterest. It is an act of compassion in many cases. While I may have missed out on what are now the best times of my life, I understand she didn’t do it because she hated me. She was afraid, and the last thing she needed was another form of control and abuse. I know now it was not me who wrecked the family, I made it tough, but it was the hate and control of the other men/women in her life, that refused to let her make her own decision, one I could now agree with. While I may never know my twin sister, I know she wasn’t murdered. And if she was, it was because of anti-choice. My grandfather called!
, and said my mother stopped drinking after her conversation with me, and is now really trying to live. She’s gonna visit her grandson here soon, and I’m gonna give her the support she’s been needing this whole time.
Just thought I would share that, for all those assholes who argue “What if you were aborted, how would you feel.”
If I may first say “Holy Shit.”
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so glad I was able to help you and I wish you nothing but the best.
Love,
Rabble
http://rabbleprochoice.tumblr.com/post/848292811/what-if-your-mother-had-tried-to-abort-you
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